You have no idea how incredibly excited/terrified I am about this prospect. Anxiety about my academic ability aside, I really am looking forward to seeing my strange and beautiful city again for more than a few hours at a time. I hope, I hope, I hope it goes okay. I've just got two more years to get through and I'm praying it doesn't take another five to do so.
Out of interest, could I do a handcount of Cardiff peeps to see if there's anybody left there that I know. I can think of a couple of you who should, in theory, still remain in the Weird City but I'll be the first to admit I've kind of lost track of things while falling off the face of the earth. So, anybody for coffee, tea and/or cake on the weekend of the 24/25th?
- Current Mood: indescribable
- Current Mood: shocked
I've been writing and actually completing stuff which is a nice surprise. I'm in a couple of fests at the moment so I can't really talk about those stories in too much detail, only that they flowed out well and I really enjoyed writing them. There's some art pieces floating about for the same reason too and again I'm happy with the way they turned out.
Creative Writing was today and I, for once, didn't end up writing a quick character study of someone from the Weird City. Well, sort of, ish. Anyway, I'm okay enough with it that I'm going to shove it up here for perusal if anybody wants to read it and/or comment. I tried to get a sense of melancholy to the piece and I'm unsure as to whether I achieved it. Anyway...
( She had 26 hours to live.Collapse )
- Current Location:Dudley Library
- Current Mood: accomplished
I did actually go on 'holiday' for a week to Malta, if you can believe it, with my grandad and a lady who really quite defies definition although if you'd asked be a month prior to now I would have said surrogate nan. The quote marks are there because that week was more stressful than if I'd just stayed in Dudley. There are many reasons for this and first among these is that my grandad's Alzheimer's is far, FAR, worse than what we'd been told. I honestly and truly love him, I can say without a doubt, but seeing him as he was was horrifying and upsetting beyond belief and is a fate I'd not wish on my worse enemy let alone somebody I love and yet I know that he's still got further downhill to go.
To make it worse, his 'carer' really isn't and even denies it to my face (as my nan said, she wanted the best but not the worst of him) and was wonderfully rude and inconsiderate the entire time I was there (e.g. I'm not aware that you could grab something off someone if you were the one holding the item in the first place - plus, throwing stuff in a person's face when they point this out is just childish). Bizarre not-arguments and accusations were pretty much all the conversation I had with her and they truly made my head hurt - examples can be given if needed and you can try and explain them to me if you want (it could just be me being thick).
On top of that, my luck kicked in and not only did my phone get soaked and break but my wallet got stolen in the airport gate on the way back so I'm down ~£80 and my driver's license. Luckily, I had travel insurance but that cost me a lot anyway despite lady-person promising to sort that out before we left. Then again, if you can't book the airport taxi or pack for the right date what are the chances of you being able to do something as complicated as arrange travel insurance?
Right. Anyway. On to better things like the island itself. Hot. Very hot (around 30 degrees centigrade the entire time we were there) and gorgeous blue, cloudless skies. The architecture was superb, even the normal houses with lovely balcony columns and iron work all done in Tertiary limestones (thank you Natural History Museum in Mdina) with alien looking plants all over the place. I think I may be the only person on holiday that week to say I spent more time ogling plants than the barely-dressed and badly-burned people that were there. Okay, I did get burned on one day when even my factor 50+ sun cream didn't fully work. Horray for the nice local lady in the souvenier shop down the road from the hotel who told me to get the Aloe Vera lotion rather than the expensive brand-name Aftersun because that was bloody good stuff and worked better than anything I've used before.
So what did I do when I was there? Well, mostly stay in the hotel waiting for the other two actually - I only got out on three of the eight days we were there and one of those was on the last day before we caught the plane. I did Valetta (for 1 1/2 hours), Ta'Qali (pronounced t-ali) which closed just after we got there and Mdina in a rush tour of the north of the island. In those three places I did the wandering around the place staring at buildings and looking at souveniers like most but I also got to go to the Archaeology Museum in Valetta (OMG, wonderful place and beautiful exhibits, some of which can be seen below), the Aviation museum in Ta'Qali (volunteer run and a must see if you like engines or planes or history in general, again pics below) and the Natural History Museum in Mdina (which was full of creepy stuffed animals and despite a wonderful geology section was alas lacking in floral information). Umm, what else? The sea was warm and I watched crabs scuttle, seaweed float and urchins urchin for quite a while on a couple of evenings although I wish I could have gone for a swim.
I came back with a number of things, including a wonderful bug which laid me up until yesterday too dizzy to move and too nauseous to talk. Otherwise all the other stuff I like, among them being a silver, filigree, hand-made necklace which is Beautiful and was far too inexpensive for it's worth; a painting by a local lad on a Valetta craft stall of the balconies in the city in a pretty sketchy style with black pen and watercolours which somehow suit the object of the painting; presents of Mdina glass and lace for the family which they seemed to like and Maltese bread for my Mum which she did like because it was all she could go on about before I went.
Enough of me blathering on though. Piccies:
( What I Did On My HolidaysCollapse )
I'll shut up now.
- Current Mood: tired
Today I said goodbye to a dear member of our house as Bubbles passed away. He'd been ill for some time now but it was after we were told that his liver and kidneys were failing that we let the vet help him along more gently than he was going otherwise.
He was our dear, 'skinny stray' that we took in for six weeks over nine years ago. Never a lap cat (which at 9kg+ we were glad of) he was still very affectionate and had his own place in all our hearts, even dad's. The house is going to be so different without his lordship squeaking and demanding doors opened. I only hope that he had a good life with us and that he was happy. And if I had one wish it would be that we could have longer with him or, failing that, that I can get better enough while away next week that I can properly miss him when I return. Rather than this disconnected self I am currently.
For a pet, accidental or otherwise, you couldn't ask for better. Bubbles, cat-thing of ours, you will be missed.
- Current Mood: sad
Physical is same as usual. Still in pain. Still losing weight. Am ill today because I have no immune system.
Mental... yeesh. Still not eating (the Depression Diet is a great way to lose weight). Still having trouble with sleep, etc. Dove House is great. Family, not so much.
Otherwise... going to fayera's Bridal Shower on Saturday which will be interesting as I've never been to a spa and it's in Birmingham which is handy. Writing again now, trying a longish story from the Weird City because I'm in a writing group courtesy of Mind and trying to work the bits and pieces of the plot out helps distraction wise. Drawing too - doing my prompts for various fests now and some of it's looking quite decent.
Downs and worse happening as usual but I've got a review coming up sooner rather than later with the Crisis team again because, well, things. It's hard to cope with how... much this has gotten since I took my Interruption of Study. I only, desperately, hope I can get it back together in time for me to be able to go back (who would have thought it wouldn't be the physical stuff keeping me away now, eh?). If not, maybe kinda sort of have a fallback plan. We'll see.
The results? Well, no more surgery for me - not that I would have agreed to any anyway. Instead, directed core stability exercises with my new hypermobility specialist physiotherapist, a referral to the health psychologists in Dudley for CBT and finally, replacing my max dose of Gabapentin with a new drug called Lyrica which is supposed to be a directed nerve pain drug specifically designed for people who haven't really responded to Gabapentin.
I went in not expecting much. I know I've pretty much reached all I can do with my back recovery wise. It's all just fine tuning now. It was nice to not just be dismissed with 'there's nothing more we can do, go away' or 'I've got to refer you to somebody else' or 'go home, take painkillers' or even another surgery go. It's good that I finally seem to be seeing the right people for both recovery and preventative treatment now (although I'll be doing the latter for years I've been told and am quite happy with that).
So yeah, that was a new experience for me. Yay for my continuing good luck on Friady 13ths.
- Current Mood: chipper
Oh I had a good day today. I sat and poked and prodded at debatable points in a meeting at Dove House where I got my argument convincingly across. I then played chess and won one lost one (only because I was again debating and explaining thing during it and was distracted :P) *sigh* Oh frabjous day. I was actually myself again for a while rather than a big ball of neuroses. It's funny, I actually feel kind of heavy and woozy with being at peace. It's such a strange feeling. Now to see if I can get to a point where that's my normal state.
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I'm seeing the Crisis Mental Health team again because basically I'm having a bad time coming to terms with the fact that my back and joint pain's going to be permanent and they've pretty much ran out of options on the pain killer side of things too (Thanks Pain Management Team). The CPN was *here* today and dad must have been able to hear because he was only in the kitchen about 10 feet away. I'm going to be visited every other day to see how things go and I'll be put on new meds when the Citalopram is finished - handily the notes from Cardiff have arrived so they're not just flailing about in the dark, more flailing around in the dark with only a glow stik to light the way. And so he decides to have a shout at me because despite him doing fuck all today I cannot clean the guinea pigs at the same time I do it every day and must instead do them NOW even though I'm really tired, having back twinges and feel sick at the smell of his malt loaf cooking downstairs, oh and also sorting out the laundry and cleaning my/Bratling's room at that point in time. It's actually the shouting that gets to me most - he must realise by now that I Can't Cope with shouting and at the moment all it does is make my skin crawl, me cringe and, as an added bonus, want to cry. Helpful, Dad. Make the stupidly depressed girl cry. It's not like you're helping in any other way either.
Actually, only Mum seems to have any sense of how serious this might be. Bratling keeps telling me I'm better than I was as if she can only see the physical side of things although I think she is trying because she's having her own problems with shit happening in her life getting her down and Dad, well, he seems to be convinced I'll get all better (physically and mentally) if only I decided to do so. Like I wouldn't have done that already if I could. Like it even works that way. Gah.
There is no other news. My life consists of nearly nothing but medical stuff and trying to not completely fall apart in all senses of the word. Hence the not posting for long periods of time.
- Current Mood: depressed
Ai. More updates next week after yet more appointments and, on a much lighter note, going to see Ed Byrne live. Oh, and a chav being mauled by a bear, as requested, will be shown.
In other, less exciting news, an update on the drama with the indescribable that is my aunt. She's being investigated for benefit fraud for stuff she's done over the years including working while on the dole, faking the extent of her illnesses and charging people rent while receiving housing benefit etc. I may have pointed the way a bit in my anger after what she'd done to grandad but as everyone on DLA is being rechecked this year it was going to happen anyway. Her enjoyable retaliation was accusing my dad with harassment and getting him a police caution for things I'd done and she knew I'd done. Of course, she's going to have fun because she keeps sending us ridiculous letters and cards which, after the police caution of her own to leave us alone, is harassment under the legal definition. It's being left at the moment as it is but we're keeping records of everything she does for when she inevitably tries something again.
As a result though, this whole fuss has affected my grandad so much he's going to have to into care very, very soon and much earlier than we'd expected. Thanks creature I'm ashamed to share genes with.
On the other hand I'm very much extremely bored. Gimme something to draw if you like (a creature, prompt, word, phrase, situation, whatever) and I'll scan it in and post it up for you.
- Current Mood: blah
As I'm so very, very bored I'll do another meme thing. Gimme a topic to draw, a word, phrase, quote or something specific and I'll come up with something, scan it and put it up here. It'll make up for me having no drawings on my walls at the mo'.
I wish on her everything we've suffered and more. I hope she realises that the whole family's going to basically disown her for this but she probably won't. As my mum put it - she's so far up her own arse she won't even realise what she did to her own father is wrong. Stupid spiteful selfish bitch.
I will, however, tell people that I'll be back in Cardiff for the day this Saturday. Anybody interested in getting drinks and having a catch up before I disappear off again?
Fuck. Lets hope I have better luck with the DLA doctor visit on Monday. Backpay from February would be nice if I could get it. It'd certainly take care of the NO (well, £12 to my name) money situation.
It's just ridiculous, the whole fucking thing.
In other news I got my sister to scan some of the better stuff I've been drawing - most of which is for fandom fests so I can't show you yet but there are one or two I can show you though. ( Okay, well two.Collapse )
Lastly, a very belated prompt fulfillment - Persephone's Garden for puredeadthingy - Sorry the scan didn't come out too great, I'll have another go at it when it's me scanning them and not the Bratling. I also have 'an angel dreaming' for you at some point but, again it'll have to be when it's me scanning them.
- Current Mood: tired
I also wish people would realise that just because the table's near me (if the table's near me) if it's not in arm's reach, I Can't Reach It. I apologise for being awkwared that way but I am not elastigirl.
Also, be quiet lady next to me, you're very annoying.
- Current Mood: -.-
I got through the operation at near enough midday but then had a fever, migraine and nausea for the rest of the day and the night. Yesterday was spent mostly recovering from it as well. Today I can look at light without my head hurting, so yay. I do still have loads of wires ans canulas sticking out of me and to look at me you'd think I'd done something horrific to my arms the way they're bandaged up. They don't know what was coming out of my back was yet but I'm taking their lack of panic a good sign. I just wish they'd tell me more. I'm supposed to start physio again today. Let's see if we can get on with it without having yet another operation, yeah?
Enough about me though - how are you people - give me an update on how things are with you?