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I know how kind of bad it is to say this but it's so weird having my parents be concerned about me. I grew up, pretty much until last year or so, basically having to rely on only myself and a couple of really close friends in latter years. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have that support now it's there, it's just... I don't know how to react to it I suppose? I'm hardwired now for self-reliance and when things get bad my brain still automatically dismisses the parental units and hearing that they're worried about me when I fall of the radar for a week or collapse in a heap of neuroses like I'm doing now makes me almost do a double take. I don't know and I don't particularly want to know what this says about how my brain works or just how much of the 'big can of worms the psychiatrist didn't want to touch' it makes up. I just wish my subconcious and I got on better so I could actually understand and maybe change how it works so I could be even vaguely functional (like remembering to feed myself and not sleep in 24 hour plus stints) again.

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September 2015
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